Guest post

“The Importance of Empathy: Making a Connection with a Viewpoint and Feelings That Are Not Your Own”

“Without empathy you’ll walk by that homeless person in the street.” -Barack Obama

Why is empathy so important? I think this is a vital question to ask ourselves, especially in a world where our obsession with “self” has spiraled out of control.

Empathy is seeing, listening, and feeling with another person. Research has proven without a doubt that it can be taught and that by doing so, we give ourselves a chance to raise an empathetic generation. Compassion helps make the world a better place, without it intolerance and contempt become the norm.

Empathy isn’t feeling for somebody, it’s feeling with them. When you can see something from someone else’s perspective, you can support them so much better. Empathy transports you outside of your own landscape and into another person’s world and provides an opportunity for a person to reflect on their own perceptions and behaviour, while making a connection with someone else’s viewpoint and feelings. Without this connection we can become very inward-looking and isolated, which could lead to mental health problems. Everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about.

Stories have the power to build empathy and to endow children with the ability to understand different perspectives to their own. From this, children will learn how to interact with other human beings, how to form relationships, and how to navigate complex emotions. Writers have an important role to play since books transport you into somebody else’s life. The more you empathize with the characters in a book, the more you understand other people’s feelings. A writer must make their characters as fully rounded and as real as they can, so that their emotions connect with the reader. If this is the case, then empathy naturally follows on.

My book Rosie Loves Jack is written to show what it’s like to be a teenage girl with Down syndrome navigating a sometimes harsh and uncomprehending world. My character, Rosie, encounters many different people on her journey to be reunited with her boyfriend—some kind, some cruel—but she carries on regardless, fighting for what is right.

The book was inspired by my brother, who has a profound developmental disability. I have been an eyewitness on many occasions when my brother has been either verbally abused or completely ignored, as though he doesn’t count as a normal human being. My family has even been told that he should never have been born. I always knew that one day I would give my brother a voice, because I wanted people to see that his life is not unworthy and that we need to look beyond disability to ability. His experiences fueled my desire to help dispel the myths of disability because I need to make it clear that when you have a brother like mine the positives far outstrip the negatives. My brother has taught me compassion, kindness, patience, and above all else the ability to empathize.

My work later on as a teaching assistant with teenagers with Down syndrome reinforced my desire to write an inclusive book, as every one of these young people had a voice inside them, which needed to be heard.

It was at this time that I met the girl who inspired my character Rosie in Rosie Loves Jack. She was kind, funny, and fiercely independent, determined to get a job, fall in love, and one day get married. I learned from her how much people with Down syndrome are attuned to other’s feelings. They have incredible empathy—and always see the good in the world. I realized how much we all have to learn from them, and I wanted my character Rosie to show this through her innocent but brave eyes and for the reader to wonder at the world with her and to learn through her that kindness and compassion are so important. I wanted my reader to really feel and understand what it’s like to have assumptions made about you because of the way you look by “putting on Rosie’s shoes” and walking with her on her journey.

“Each one of us has lived through some devastation, some loneliness, some weather superstorm, or spiritual superstorm, when we look at each other we must say, I understand. I understand how you feel because I have been there myself. We must support each other and empathize with each other because each of us is more alike than we are unlike.” – Maya Angelou

Teachers’ Tools for Navigation: 

There is no right or wrong way to teach young people about compassion. It’s simply about listening, being emotionally connected and non-judgmental, and letting people know that they are not alone. In this workshop I want to help students to really think about what empathy means and how they can relate it to themselves and conduct themselves in the future. I want them to look beyond their own world and see it through new eyes.

Exercise 1

Ask the students to write down exactly what the word empathy means to them and why they think it is important to promote empathy in our lives.

Exercise 2

Sharing emotions and empathizing with them. Young people can find it hard to articulate their own emotions, so in this initial exercise I get them to warm up by thinking about and observing an event in my book and some of the characters reactions to.

1. Read page 18–20 of Rosie Loves Jack. This is the scene where Rosie, after eight days of not hearing from her boyfriend Jack, overhears a conversation between her parents, mentioning some postcards that Jack has sent to her. Rosie’s father has hidden the postcards in his office in their house, so that Rosie thinks Jack doesn’t care about her anymore.
2. Write down your thoughts on how you would feel if you were either Rosie or Jack and found this out. Get some of the students to read out their answers.
3. Now switch to Rosie’s father’s viewpoint. Are his fears that Jack might hurt Rosie justified? Stand in his shoes and imagine what it would be like for a parent to have a daughter who is with someone who can be violent, even though Jack’s brain injury is not his fault and he never loses his temper with Rosie. Does Rosie’s father have the right to hide the postcards? It can be interesting to get two of your students to play the parts of Rosie and her father and each argue their case. The students can direct questions at them to see how they would respond in character. Get the two students playing the parts to swap over, so that they then argue from the opposite viewpoint.

Exercise 3

This is where the students choose one of their own emotional experiences to write about. Ask them to think of a time that they have been unjustly treated, because we all have a built-in sense of fairness. To start them off it can help to recount a time when you have been treated unfairly yourself. As an example, I’d tell the class about an incident when I was fifteen and my best friend stole a large cream cake from the teacher’s dining room and ran up to the top field to eat it. I got the blame for it, as someone said they’d seen me in the vicinity at the time it disappeared. I had to stay behind after school for a week doing extra work. I’m still fuming now! This is a powerful exercise to do, as students can get very passionate about what happened to them—and the other students can readily empathize with them. First, ask them to record exactly what happened and then to expand on how it made them feel. Get some of the students to read them out to the class. This is a great exercise for eliciting emotions and sharing them. Injustice can stir many painful feelings like anger, sadness, helplessness, frustration, and vengeance, and you can see and hear the sense of injustice building as the students recount their stories.

Exercise 4

Have the names of every student in the class folded up in a hat or box. Get each student to pick a name out of the hat. They then have to write a positive, kind, and thoughtful note of encouragement about the person they have picked, which they then hand over to that student at the end of the session. Encourage the class to read out what they have written about each person. These are often words that each child will never forget and is a great lesson in being mindful and providing an opportunity for each student to reflect on their own perceptions and behaviour.

Published March 1st, 2021 by Peachtree Publishing Company

About the Book: Rosie is a 16-year-old girl with Down syndrome, fighting for little freedoms, tolerance, and love amid the vast landscape of London in Mel Darbon’s powerful debut YA novel Rosie Loves Jack (Peachtree Publishing; March 2021; ISBN : 978-1-68263-289-5; HC $17.99; Ages 12+).

Rosie loves Jack. Jack loves Rosie. So when they are separated, Rosie will do anything to find the boy who makes the sun shine in her head. Even run away from home. Even struggle across London and brave the Tube stations to travel to Brighton alone during a snowstorm. Even though people might think a girl like Rosie could never survive on her own. Rosie must deal with new situations and experiences and some frightening unfamiliar places and people, but she’s determined to prove to everyone, especially her parents, that she’s just as capable as anyone at following her heart.

Written from Rosie’s perspective, this riveting novel gives readers an underrepresented but much-needed and thoughtful point of view. Author Mel Darbon’s voice-driven plot will immediately pull readers into Rosie’s world and have them excited, worried, proud, and cheering alongside her for every step of the journey, which is filled with lighthearted as well as darker moments. Featuring a diverse cast of characters and highlighting the range of abilities within the special needs community, this compassionate story drives home the message that we are all humans with feelings and the need to be valued and loved. Rosie Loves Jack was reviewed by a sensitivity reader from the Down syndrome community for accurate representation.

About the Author: MEL DARBON began telling stories to her autistic younger brother when they were children and has worked as a theater designer, freelance artist, teacher for adults with learning disabilities, and workshop teacher for teenage moms and young offenders. Mel is now focused on writing her second novel and developing creative writing workshops that encourage students with mixed abilities to work together for acceptance and inclusion. A graduate of Bath Spa’s MA in Writing for Young People, she lives in England. Follow her on Twitter @DarbonMel.

Thank you, Mel, for this wonderful post and empathy exercise! We agree that teaching about empathy all through school is so important!

“Insights from a First Time Author”

Hello! My name is Vali Benson and I have been a writer all my life. I can also now call myself a published author. It still seems like a dream, but it’s true. Ever since I can remember, I have had a book in my hand. As a lifelong reader, I often thought, “I could do better than that”. So I decided to finally do something about it. People have asked me to explain the writing process but I can’t. I don’t think there is a right way or wrong way to write a book. But I do know what works for me.

The first step is to come up with an idea. It must be something that interests you, or that you feel strongly about. If you don’t care what you are writing about, you will simply get board and the work will suffer. Once when I had severe writers block, a great teacher told me, “Write about what’s in your own backyard”. I took my teacher’s advice and turned in an award winning essay. That was the inspiration in writing my book; a young adult historical fiction novel called Blood and Silver. The story takes place in Tombstone, Arizona. For thirty years, I have lived in Tucson, Arizona. Tombstone is only forty five minutes down the road, practically backyard distance.

The population of Tombstone today sits at about thirteen hundred. On the weekends, many of the residents dress up in western garb – as cowboys, sheriffs, frontier gamblers, proper matrons and saloon girls. At first glance, it seems as though this may be a retirement community designated for extras of John Ford films. However, Tombstone does have one enduring claim to fame – the shoot out at the O.K. Corral.  It is called “the most famous thirty seconds in the history of the American west”. The legendary incident is a gunfight that occurred in 1881. The shoot out involved Doc Holiday, Wyatt Earp and two Earp brothers against a gang of outlaws called the Cowboys. Three men were killed, all of them Cowboys. The Earps and Doc Holiday were already famous in the west.  The gunfight made them infamous.

Tombstone was the largest city between St. Louis and San Francisco in 1884, with over 150 businesses, including 100 saloons, and a thriving red light district. Apparently this arid little tourist trap, only forty five minutes from my hometown, was more important than I thought!

This information began to spin my inquisitive wheels.  I began to wonder what it would have been like to live in this obscure place in 1880. The first step was complete; I had a premise that sparked my interest.  Now, it was time for the part of the writing process that gives life to the story, research.

Research is pivotal no matter the genre. It allows the author to properly prepare the reader so that they are engaged in the narrative. One needs to look in unusual places, not just the top three Google hits. I love sourcing museums, libraries, newspaper archives, and even historical homes. Don’t rely on your computer only. Everyone can get that information. Not only is it not original, it is not interesting.

One tip that I would like to emphasize to a burgeoning writer is to seek out primary sources whenever possible. If you can work from the original source, it falls on you to interpret the story. This allows you to not have to depend on someone else’s version of the truth.

As I began to delve deeper into the true story of Tombstone, I also uncovered unexpected angles. The most prominent of which was the effect of the Chinese population. The result of this research led me to a real person whom I could never had made up, a woman named “China Mary”. This woman lived in Tombstone from 1879 – 1906 and essentially ran the town. In addition to operating a gambling hall behind her general store, she was also the preeminent broker for opium, laudanum and Chinese prostitutes. After I discovered the real life splendor of China Mary, I made her one of my central characters and twisted my fictional story around her actual exploits. None of that could have been possible without an extensive research period.

Being a writer of historical fiction, historical accuracy is the most important component of the piece to me. It is even more pivotal than the narrative. I cannot tell you how many times I have quit reading a book that claims to be factual because the information and events are incorrect. It really annoys me! It is also important to realize that research is never ending because you can’t ever learn everything there is to know. At some point, you just have to make up your mind that you have enough to craft the story you want to write. Then start writing!  I begin writing using my research as a reference and don’t worry if I have a fully formed concept. I believe in the Jodi Picoult approach, “You can always edit a bad page. You can’t edit a blank page”.

Many writers believe in outlines as a method of organizing and categorizing their research. Outlines don’t work for me. I tend to be too specific.  I end up writing the whole story in my outline.  What works best for me is to simply write.  Just start, and see where it takes you.  I flesh out the characters first. You can do whatever you want with your people, just be sure you wind it up so that it makes sense.

As far as my writing habits are concerned, I don’t have many. I just do it. I know that many professional writers say the best method is to treat writing like a regular job with set start and stop times. I’ve tried this and it never feels right. For one thing, when I get on a creative roll, it is nearly impossible for me to stop. Conversely, I cannot force an idea. When I don’t feel like it’s happening, I walk away. I commit a lot of time thinking about my characters; which may be the most crucial part of the writing process. When inspiration strikes, I will sit down with my glass of sweet iced tea and see how my characters handle the new twist. I know that strong coffee is the traditional nectar of the working writer, but I need my sweet tea. The sweeter the better!

When your story is finished, it doesn’t mean that you’re done writing. Now is the time for my least favorite part of the writing process, editing. Editing is obviously extremely important but I find it terribly frustrating. I try to remember not to over edit as there is a difference between editing and rewriting. Aside from the occasional grammatical error, most of my editing is about subtraction rather than addition. I choose to think of my editing time as a tightening up period. This is when I can really focus on making my narrative flow the way that I want. I also make sure the story is always kept in perspective and unfold s the way that I want it to.

When is your story finished? It is finished when you think it is. Before you begin, you will know where you will end up. If you don’t, don’t start. This is why research is so important, because if I can understand the period in which my characters live, I can shape their circumstances and attitudes into the narrative.  With Blood and Silver, because I had taken the time to insure that every aspect of my world would be historically accurate, the attitudes and tones of my characters occurred organically. I simply placed my fictional characters into actual settings and let them take me where they wanted to go.

Thanks for reading and happy writing!
Best, Vali

Published August 3rd, 2020

About the Book: What is a twelve year old girl to do when she finds herself in the silver boom town of Tombstone, Arizona, in 1880, and her only home is a brothel and her only parent is a drug-addicted mother? If she is Carissa Beaumont, she outsmarts the evil madam and figures a way out.

After tricking the madam, Miss Lucille, into summoning a doctor for her mother, Lisette, she discovers that Miss Lucille has been drugging her. She and the kind doctor make a plan to try to save Lisette by dosing her down on the drug.

Doctor Henderson tells Carissa that the only source for the drug is a Chinese immigrant named China Mary, who lives in Hoptown, at the other end of Tombstone. Carissa has no choice but to go to the powerful woman for help. Many say that China Mary is the one who really controls Tombstone.

China Mary admires Carissa’s brave spirit, and uses her influence to get her a job at the new Grand Hotel, which will free Carissa from her many duties at Miss Lucille’s. She will work along with Mary’s twelve year old niece, Mai-Lin. The two girls become fast friends.

Then, disaster strikes, and the two girls must work together to stay alive.

With a host of colorful characters and meticulous attention to period detail, Blood and Silver is a story of the best and worst of human nature, the passion for survival and the beauty of true friendship.

About the Author: Vali grew up in the Midwest. She now lives in Tucson with her husband, two sons and grandchildren.

After graduating from the University of Illinois, Vali started and sold two successful businesses before she decided to pursue her real passion of writing. She published several articles in a variety of periodicals, including History Magazine before she decided to try her hand at fiction.

In April of 2020, Vali published her first novel, Blood and Silver. That same month, she was also made a member of the Western Writers of America.

Thank you, Vali, for sharing your experiences as a first time writer and for sharing your debut book!

“Asking the Important Questions About Action Scenes”

I love a good scrap in my stories, and I always have. Battles, boss fights, chases, sports, middle grade novels are as filled with thrilling scenes of action as any other genre of fiction, and mine are no exception. These scenes are fun to write and can be a lot of fun to read, but that’s far from all they are, or all they should be. There is a lot written and said about how to compose a clear and well-paced action scene, but too often the “why” of those scenes is neglected.

There can be a tendency, I think, to assume there isn’t much narrative substance to be found in explosions, and that scenes of action are separate from the “serious” aspects of the story. While we may acknowledge the high, even mortal stakes of some of those climactic battles or other struggles, many of us still fail to appreciate them as and directly connect them to the deeper issues of fiction. While that type of action certainly isn’t necessary in order to tell a compelling and emotional story that conveys important lessons and truths, it also doesn’t detract from any of those things. To the contrary, the action in a novel can and should be as much a part of story and character arcs as any other scene, and can be a vibrant way to discuss those topics with young readers.

I grew up in the professional wrestling business. Many of the most important and formative lessons I learned about life, storytelling, and myself happened inside a wrestling ring, without words. Those experiences deeply inform the stories I write. Fight scenes in fiction are about more than flash and fury, they are about motivations. They have the ability to strip characters down to their purest sense of self and most unfiltered emotions. They are about the dynamic between the characters participating in the conflict. These are all things that can and should be examined when discussing action in stories. Action can be an easily accessible and entertaining window into the deeper human issues of any novel, and into the story being told.

There is perhaps no greater example of this than a professional wrestling match. While on the surface it can seem like no more than choreographed violence for its own sake, professional wrestling is, at its core and its best, a storytelling medium. The motivations of the wrestlers and the personal conflict and story unfolding between them often do more than simply enhance the stakes of the action and the outcome of their contest. When planned and executed well, that story is far more compelling and important than the outcome of the match itself. Wrestling fans don’t root for winners, they root for characters whose personalities and personal journeys connect with them.

This was at the forefront for me when I wrote Bump, some of the most important character and story scenes of which play out through professional wrestling matches. I wanted to write thrilling, fast-paced, and entertaining scenes of action that also provided a vehicle for my characters to grow as people and advance the story I was telling. The main character, MJ, is forced to confront all of her worst fears and insecurities about herself every time she steps through the ropes of a wrestling ring and in front of a frantic crowd of spectators. The journey she undertakes as she wrestles in her first matches is as important to her overall arc as all the events that take place outside the ring. That physical action provides MJ with opportunities for creative problem solving and personal reflection, and gives her a mirror for the problems she’s experiencing in her life, dealing with grief and isolation. Wrestling is the catalyst for her to overcome so much in such a unique and exciting way.

Action is like any other narrative device, it can be used to express anything and everything the author wants to express. Particularly for new and young readers, action can be a great hook, and an even better opportunity to discuss character motivation, the roots of conflict, both physical and emotional, and ultimately, conflict resolution. The important thing is to ask these questions about the action scenes we read, rather than dismissing or decrying them as nothing more than popcorn entertainment.

Published January 26th, 2021 by Katherine Tegen Books

About the Book: A moving and triumphant middle grade contemporary debut from award-winning author Matt Wallace about a heroic young girl—who dreams of becoming a pro wrestler—learning to find courage and fight for what she loves.

MJ knows what it means to hurt. Bruises from gymnastics heal, but big hurts—like her dad not being around anymore—don’t go away. Now her mom needs to work two jobs, and MJ doesn’t have friends at school to lean on.

There is only one thing MJ loves: the world of professional wrestling. She especially idolizes the luchadores and the stories they tell in the ring. When a chance encounter with her neighbor Mr. Arellano reveals that he runs a wrestling school, MJ has a new mission in life: join the school, train hard, become a wrestler. Once MJ starts training at Victory Academy, she feels like the hurts in her life are beginning to heal.

But trouble lies ahead. After wrestling in a showcase event, MJ attracts the attention of Mr. Arellano’s enemy at the State Athletic Commission. There are threats to shut the school down, putting MJ’s new home—and the community that welcomed her—at risk. What can MJ do to save her new family?

Praise for Bump: 

“Matt Wallace makes every pro-wrestling fan’s dream come true in Bump. Not only does he know his way around a wrestling ring—he’ll have you booing at the heels and cheering for the faces, just like you would ringside—but he knows how to tell a story. Middle-school gymnast turned wrestler MJ isn’t just trying to find herself, but the courage to be herself, in a world where cliques, cruelty, unfairness, and grief beat you down. But Bump teaches you that, in life and Lucha, there’s always a surprise move that can save you from defeat and pin your opponent—and your fears—down.”    (Carlos Hernandez, Pura Belpré Award-winning author of the Sal and Gabi series)

“This book did a pile drive on my heart. I was so quickly captivated by MJ as she navigated grief and excitement, fear and joy.” (Mark Oshiro, author of Anger Is a Gift and Each of Us a Desert)

“My favorite books have two things: A world I’ve never seen before and a great character to experience it with. Bump delivers both in a heartfelt, powerful way. I loved stepping into the world of small-time professional wrestling with M.J. I winced every time she took a hit inside the ring and out, and I cheered every time she got up. What a great middle-grade debut. I truly cannot wait to see what Matt Wallace does next.”  (Greg van Eekhout, author of Voyage of the Dogs and Cog)

“I love kids with big dreams, and MJ is a heroine to root for. Bump introduces readers to the world of professional wrestling while also telling a story about grief, friends that become family, and finding your voice. An entertaining and heartwarming read!” (Janae Marks, author of From the Desk of Zoe Washington)

About the Author: Matt Wallaceis the Hugo–winning author of Rencor: Life in Grudge City, the Sin du Jour series, and Savage Legion. He’s also penned over one hundred short stories in addition to writing for film and television. In his youth he traveled the world as a professional wrestler, unarmed combat, and self-defense instructor before retiring to write full-time. He lives in Los Angeles with his wife, Nikki. You can visit him at www.matt–wallace.com.

Thank you, Matt, for this post about the importance of action sequences even in heartfelt books!